Following is the first in a series of essays that take a look at how books work in order to write essays and stories of our own better.
Women finding themselves with child this year will walk out of their OB/GYN offices with a bag full of parenting magazines, samples of things like formula and diaper cream, and oodles of coupons for Earth’s Best Organic peas and baby wipes. But what hospitals should really be giving women are stacks of young adult literature and an assignment: Keep a journal of observations you make when you read about the mother in the story. What is she doing? What do you notice about her character? What does the dialogue reveal? Because it is the YA novel that might just be the best source for women who are entering into or are even in the thick of motherhood. Juxtaposed with a young person going through adolescence, YA literature sheds light on the impossibility of motherhood as well as the grace that is found as women fumble their way through it. The Ruby Oliver novels are a great place to start.
Shortly after E. Lockhart’s The Treasure Map of Boys begins, Ruby, the main character, and her mother Elaine are shopping at Nordstrom’s. A mall is a great place to observe mothers, and Lockhart gives us a lot to look at in this short but hilarious scene.
Elaine wants Ruby to stop wearing “bowling shirts that used to belong to some old plumber,” (21) so she encourages her daughter to try on things like an aqua turtleneck with a poodle on it. Ruby, smugly (and understandably) dismisses the poodle attire, and doesn’t understand why she can’t wear all black like her mother, and Elaine says Ruby’s not at an age where all black is appropriate. Besides, she tells Ruby, “you buy old [black] dresses that have practically no shape and the buttons falling off them, when you could spend the same money on this poodle sweater that shows off your breasts so nicely.” (22) All Ruby takes away from this statement is that her mom just said breasts. This is a humorous, realistic scene showing a mother enthusiastically trying to shape her daughter into the beauty she believes she is while the daughter is trying to figure this beauty out for herself.
While Ruby’s fashion choices may make Elaine uncomfortable, Elaine’s bohemian life style leaves Ruby rolling her eyes and shaking her head. As Ruby’s trying on the aqua sweater with the poodle on it, Elaine calls Ruby’s father, Kevin, to make sure that the raw peanuts she is soaking for goulash are the size of “border collie testicles.” (22) Again, the scene is funny, but Lockhart is establishing a mother and a daughter trying to find out who they are and where they fit in. Doing this in a dressing room seems symbolic; there’s a lot one can try on in a small amount of space. As the sweater Ruby tries on gets tossed to the side, there’s not just discussion of the size of peanuts, but Elaine brings up Ruby’s therapy, Kevin’s flightiness, and in the same breath tells Ruby how gorgeous she is. The scene is hilarious, sad, uncomfortable, and sweet and it takes place in about five minutes – all these emotions crammed into a dressing room. This is exactly how motherhood happens.
Lockhart’s books are filled with humor, but she uses it to explore more serious subjects, like the fact that Elaine and Ruby have trouble communicating with one another. For example, Elaine surprises Ruby with a Great Dane because during a previous conversation Ruby tells her that having a dog, specifically a Great Dane, would help Ruby with her therapy. Ruby was being sarcastic, but Elaine did not pick up on that. So in a scene where Ruby is happily making donuts with a beautiful sounding boy named Gideon, Polka-Dot the Great Dane is introduced. As the dog is devouring all the donuts that were made, Ruby and Elaine have a tremendous fight, revealing, in front of Gideon, the fact that Ruby lied, and the fact that she is in therapy.
The scene is both chaotic and uncomfortable but at the heart of it is a mom’s attempt to help her daughter. In their previous conversation, Elaine didn’t get the joke that the world’s largest dog would somehow help a teenager with therapy. What Elaine heard was that she could help, and she became consumed by that idea, unable to judge its credibility. However, Ruby has to go through this herself. We can support and love our children, but those lives that we held in our wombs are not our own.
What makes Elaine Oliver a good study in motherhood, is the fact that Lockhart chose to make her complicated. Elaine has quirks, and dreams, and she messes up. Her actions affect the rest of her family. For example, in Real Live Boyfriends, Elaine has moved from a vegan diet to devouring all kinds of meat. In fact, she is contemplating opening up a “meatloafery.” This is a restaurant where patrons DIY their meatloaf, shoving ground beef (or lamb, turkey, what have you), breadcrumbs, and Worcestershire sauce together at the table. Ruby and her father think the idea is ridiculous, never-mind terribly unsanitary but in the scene where the three of them discuss Elaine’s idea in increasing elevated tones, it’s hard to take a stand on either side of the argument. Elaine’s strange eating choices (peanut goulash?) effect Ruby in that she’ll never have kids over and order Dominoes pizza and have Dairy Queen for dessert. This is a big deal for a teenager (I remember begging my mom to buy Wonder bread and thought she was the coolest when she bought Diet Coke for my high school lunches). On the other hand, it’s easy to empathize with Elaine’s plight to do something creative and new.
Kevin, Ruby, and Elaine all have pretty heavy issues they are dealing with in the book and each of them deals with it in a different way. Kevin, who lost his mother, sinks into a depression. Ruby, who is trying to sort out a situation with her boyfriend, talks to her therapist and, like almost all teenagers, goes through life as best she can. Elaine, shortly after the meatloafery discussion, declares she is taking a vacation without Ruby and her father.
At first, Elaine’s decision to leave seems drastic, and it’s easy to be shocked and angry. However, what Lockhart is doing here is exploring the idea that motherhood is carried out with flawed people, just like us. The grace then is working out the gift of daughterhood and motherhood daily among the poodle sweaters, the surprise Great Danes, and the plans for meatloaferies.
E. Lockhart gives us a great story in her Ruby Oliver books, and that’s what mother’s need. Because there are no answers to what we’re trying to do. We may as well enjoy a good tale.
Consideration for your own reading and writing:
Choose a Young Adult novel or novel series, and keep a journal of observations you make on the parent as you read. What is their role in the story? What motivates them? What does the dialogue reveal about their personality? What outside interests do they have? What stories come up about your own parenting experience (or childhood experience) that you might write about?
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