In 2003, I was asked to come back to Covenant Christian School, the first school I taught at, and give a graduation speech. It was a small school – one hallway – and the middle school was just getting started (I got to help start it), so this class was small. Two students: Eddie and Zach.
Here is my introduction. An interim principal, who didn’t know me, but knew enough of why I left, wrote it. If this were a story, the first sentence would be an example of foreshadowing – the longest I’ve ever remained in a school is two and a half years. I can’t stay longer than that.
These teaching memories are difficult for me to face. I think, “Why couldn’t I make it work? It wasn’t all that bad, was it?” “What is wrong with me?” This is probably a good reason to face them.
Here is what I wrote:
Dear Eddie and Zach,
I have self-diagnosed myself with something called an episodic memory. I heard about it on National Public Radio one morning. People with this kind of memory can’t remember things such as dates of Presidents’ terms, or when the Bill of Rights was written and signed. But they remember odd things like the exact date they had spaghetti with meat sauce for the first time. This is because it’s tied to something bigger than the event they might be referring to. For example, have you ever heard of the restaurant called, “The Vine”? It’s one of my favorites in downtown South Bend. The first time I ever sat outside there was August 22, 2000. I know this because my husband and I sat out there with Mr. and Mrs. Horjus. And Mr. and Mrs. Horus were an answer to our prayers to find friends in South Bend. I remember sitting outside of the The Vine on that warm August evening trading stories from college, discussing teaching, among other things, and being happy to have made some friends in South Bend. The “episode” or event is more important to me than the actual date. But that’s how my brain marks important events in my life.
So what do I remember about 2000-2001 when I was your Sixth grade teacher? I would love to know what you remember from this year as well. Maybe some of the memories I will share are some of the things you remember, too.
One thing I remember was our Monday morning Spelling pretests. I’m not sure if you knew this or not, but I always tried to pull words from the books you were reading, or something you might be studying in Bible, or another subject. One day, Zach, who was obviously annoyed with the words I was giving your class asked, “Mrs. Feyen, why do we have all these hard words? Why can’t you give us a normal word?” I asked Zach to give me an example of a normal word, and without hesitation, Zach said, “Like, ‘the brick’ or something like that.” Trying very hard not to laugh, I said, “Zach, that’s two words.” Zach had a hard time living that one down. Not even on his birthday in September when the entire class signed a brick for him so he wouldn’t forget it.
What about the time when we were going on a field trip to the Symphony to see The Nutcracker? Do you remember how hard it was snowing? We parked in the parking lot of my apartment complex and walked to the building which was about a five minute walk. It felt like 5 years, to me. The snow was coming down so hard we could hardly see, and by the time we walked into the Symphony, we were covered in white. That day, December 11, school was cancelled. We would not be back for another day and a half.
One thing I hope I never forget is our “dance routine” to Harry Connick Jr’s, “I Pray on Christmas.” (My husband will tell you that every once in a while I do the routine in our living room.) Do you remember how hard we all worked on that? Zach, do you remember your part with Andy? And Eddie, do you remember your solo? You stood up and said, “Awwwww, sing your song!” as we all clapped along. That was sometime in December, although I can’t remember if it was the 8th or the 15th.
I remember 2000-2001 was the first year of the Robotics Club. I was so proud of you when I found out that your team was going to Florida to compete a few days before Spring Break! It was so exciting to watch what you were doing in the hallways after school as you practice and tested using your robot. Zach, do you remember when all the kids left a day before Spring Break and there were only 5 of us in class? Do you remember what we did that day? You, Patrick, Andy, John, Paige, and I went on a “surprise” field trip to hike around trails by my apartment. Then we came back to my apartment, ate pizza, and played games. That was a great day. I still have the picture on my refrigerator that Mrs. Seasly gave me, and I smile every time I see it. That day, April 6, was the first time I thought about wanting children of my own.
The list goes on. From the silly games we played, our lunchtime conversations, Book Club, the banner project, the last day of school. I have so many memories of your class, and these events have a lot to do with the kind of teacher I am today, as well as the kind of person I am today.
I looked up James 4:7 (I wish I could say I had it memorized), and to be honest, was hoping for more than what I found. “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” Hmmmm, I thought. I have to speak for 10 minutes on this? It seems pretty straight forward. Submit to God. Resist the devil. OK boys. That’s all you need to know. Have fun in high school!
But then I looked at the notes underneath the verse, and found that next to the word “resist” were two verses: Ephesians 6:11-18, and I Peter 5:8-9. I looked both of them up and found some things that made me think about all the tools and people God gives us to help us resist the devil.
For example, Ephesians 6:11-18, talks about putting on the full armor of God so we can “stand against the devil’s schemes.” These verses give me a great picture of what specifically God wants us to “wear” so to speak. The beltbuckle of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, feet fitted with readiness that comes from the gospel of peace, a shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the spirit. You need to develop and strengthen all of these “tools” so you can do what James 4:7 is asking – submit to God, and resist the devil.
I Peter 5: 8-9 says this, “Be self controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.” I love that last part. God says, “Look, know that you can resist the devil because there are people in the world that are going through the same things you are. And these people are overcoming their struggles, so you can too.”
I like to think of it this way: There are teachers, all over the world who are grading papers, planning their last days of lessons, getting report cards ready, organizing their rooms for summer cleaning. They are stressed, tired, anxious, just like this teacher standing here. But they will get up tomorrow morning and greet their students, just like me. We’ll do this because we are submitting to God’s call to be teachers. And tomorrow morning, when the teachers see each other in the hallways, or the copy rooms, we will joke with each other, listen to each other, share in each others’ burdens, because we know we are going through this together.
And this year, 2003, there are thousands of 8th graders who will sit in the same seat as you two are. They are probably wondering the same things you are: What will high school be like? Will I find my classes? Will I have friends? Will I forget my locker combination? Will I make the baseball team?
When God says, “Submit,” He’s saying, “Eddie, Zach, be at peace. I have a plan. I’ve already walked those high school hallways, and sat in your classrooms. And I’ll be there with you in 2003 all through 2007 when you graduate. Just like I was when you took your first step into Kindergarten, and just like I am now today on your 8th grade graduation day.
I think the verse you chose as your graduation verse has a lot to do with looking at the events and people in our lives, and understanding where God’s hand is in all of that. That’s what I think it means to submit – to acknowledge and be at peace with God’s plan for our lives. The best way I know how to do that is to look at the past, and see where God led me. When I do that, I’m resisting the devil because I’m resisting the temptation to worry and be anxious about my future.
When I was thinking about what to tell you tonight, two memories kept popping into my my head. One was of you, Eddie, when we were playing Bible Baseball on May 4. It was a game to review some of the concepts we were learning that year. While we were playing out of all the students, you were the one that had the biggest smile on his face, and I saw such confidence in you as you answered the questions, moving from base, to base.
And Zach, I can’t read Walk Two Moons anymore without thinking of you. Reading outloud was my favorite time of the day because you would get so animated. But you got particularly passionate about this book. I remember you jumping up from your chair practically screaming what you thought was going to happen next, or making comments about the characters: “What was she THINKING?” or, “I KNEW that was going to happen!” I have my students read that book in my classes every year hoping for the same passion from them as you had for this story.
These two episodes, like the episodes I talked about in the beginning, are tied to something bigger. I will always remember them because I see how God used me to show you both that learning is a gift. And I see how God shined through both of you those days to tell me that every once in a while, I did a good thing being your teacher. When I think of those memories, I can rest peacefully in my Father’s hand knowing that He will guide me through the next phase of my life, just like he will guide you through the next phase of yours.
So submit to God, resist the devil. And good luck in high school.
Leave a Reply