To Determine

First, a huge thank you to my friend and writing colleague Ashlee Gadd who interviewed me for her “Real Moms Creating In The Margins” series. I am thrilled to be a part of this, but more than that, I am thrilled to be a part of the work she is doing. She shares part of the note I wrote to her in 2014 about a week after Coffee+Crumbs launched, and I can still remember how excited I was to have found a place where stories of motherhood are welcome and can thrive (and we moms can thrive because we tell them). Ashlee has a book coming out in March. I’ve read it cover to cover, and it’s incredible. I can’t wait to hold a copy in my hands (and underline and fill it with sticky notes, and then write and write and write).

Now, on to the blog post:

Here’s a picture of my office, on an evening that I was the last one in our suite. I was working on a project that I knew would only take a few more minutes, and there isn’t much about my other life – motherhood, writing, marriage, friendship – that takes just a few more minutes, and I am OK with that, great really, but it’s a balm to my frazzled soul to head into my very own office, have a list of tasks to accomplish, and get them done.

And maybe this sounds strange, but I was proud to be the last one there that night. It meant I knew enough about the way things work here at CUAA that I could be left alone. It meant I got to be the one to turn off the lights and lock the door. It meant I am no longer new.

That morning, I walked onto campus with a Business Prof. who was telling me about his classes, and that he was looking forward to a break, but not to the grading. My response must’ve been too empathetic because he asked me what I taught and how many exams I had left to give. We were at the Chapel, which seems to be at the center of campus, when I told him no, I am not a teacher, I work in the Registrar’s Office, and since it was close to 8am, and since there wasn’t much more to say, and since he and I had different routes to take at that point, he wished me well and we veered in different directions.

These moments of no longer claiming myself as teacher sting. I’ve yet to think, “I’m SO GLAD I got out of that.” I will always miss teaching, but I am content right now. I’m proud of myself for finding a job I can do so I can also write, and help others write. Teaching, I suppose, just looks a little different these days.

Since starting this job, I’ve written 40 blog posts, 3 Coffee+Crumbs essays, 8 Project Redux essays, and close to 40 TSP Poetry Prompts. I’ve critiqued 5 manuscripts, two of which will be published this year. I’ve coached one woman in a leadership project for teenage girls that will launch this year, and I’ve continued teaching courses through Exhale.

What I’m learning is there are an infinite amount of ways to be a writer, and one way will work for awhile, and then, because we are constantly changing and emerging, another way will present itself. It’s not about regretting something we once were, it’s always been about supporting something we are.

If you are a blogger and want to be a part of a Guided Planning Session to brainstorm and begin writing content for your website, join me this Friday, Saturday, or Monday for a live workshop (via Zoom). You’ll get a 27-page workbook filled with exercises and writing prompts, you’ll collaborate with me and others, you’ll write poetry, and you’ll walk away with tons of ideas for your blog. Join me!