Doubt is uncomfortable. It is sad and scary. It often feels lonely. But doubt is observable, too. If I can put myself in an observable, curious state, doubt will show me a story.
Every day I read one entry from Daily Rituals: How Artists Work edited and with text by Mason Currey. Every day is another pep talk sharing how one writer or another carved their own path – working a job, not working, living in the country, living in the city, writing in the middle of the night, writing in the morning, writing near a river, writing in the carpool line. I keep the book at work and either read an entry as soon as I get there, or when I’m feeling a bit unsure I’m doing it right. There is no right, the book says. There are only an infinite amount of ways to try.
My doubt is tethered to my faith, and my faith anchors my doubt, and this is where my writing begins, and this is how it happens. Sometimes it’s in the morning before I go to work. Sometimes it’s in coffeeshops. Sometimes still, it’s in parking lots waiting for one kid to finish school or sports.
This is how it is now. This is what works now. This is how doubt becomes faith. When life changes, when doubt shrugs off what has begun to feel like a costume (or an outfit that doesn’t fit or doubt no longer likes), I take a look at what it’s trying to say, what it wants to show me, and I make plans for a new wardrobe, one with all the vivid layers and the dull ones, too, and I say to Doubt, “OK lady, let’s see what we can do.”
“My doubt is tethered to my faith, and my faith anchors my doubt, and this is where my writing begins, and this is how it happens….This is how it is now. This is what works now. This is how doubt becomes faith.”
What a great tweak to looking at doubt as a companion of sorts and walking with it instead of something to overcome or beat.
Thank you, Tracy!