“The Details of Unremarkable Days”

-quote from Revan Schendler

I learned about a course at a local college called, ‘The Study of Love” on the same day I came down with Covid. “Came down,” is the perfect phrase for how it happened because one minute I was fine – maybe I had a slight tickle in my throat – and the next thing I knew I flinched every time I swallowed due to the sheer and unadulterated pain I was experiencing. Surely, this was not Covid. Surely, I accidentally swallowed a butcher knife.

Also, there was exhaustion. Dear Lord in Heaven, I would pray after my heroic effort of getting out of bed and standing up, I CAN DO BETTER THAN THIS. That was the end of prayer because by then it was time for a nap.

Also, I was very dumb. I’m not sure that’s a symptom of Covid, but that is what happened to me. I got very dumb.

Also, I was dramatic. But I feel like that’s always been there and simply waiting for a time to really shine. (“Oh, you think Callie makes a big deal out of small things now? Hahahahahaha! Just wait. She’s about to get Covid.”)

So I was Hulk except I don’t look as good in ripped jeans and no shirt on and also jeans hurt to put on my body so I wore sweatpants. I was as angry as the Hulk was, though.

Anyway, I wanted to know more about the “Study of Love” course. What do you learn in this course? What books do you read? Is this a hands on course? Do the concepts change?

Alas, my pursuit to learn more would have to wait. Instead, I was part of the research for the course called, “The Study of Covid.”

You know how when you like someone but you don’t know how they feel so you skirt around it and/or get your friend to do it?

“OK, so ask him if he meant to walk down the hallway on Tuesday at 3:02 and 28 seconds because usually it is 3:10:15 and if he DID mean it then what does that mean?

But don’t tell him I want to know.”

-OR-

“Ask him if, after he does sprints and throws himself down on the track, is he tired or is he lovesick? For me?”

There are no subtleties once you get Covid. Your wingman, your BFF is a computerized survey that should take 10 minutes to complete but the fact that you are very dumb now and also dramatic and all of your emotional, mental, and physical energy is being spent on trying not to swallow, it will take you a lot more time than 10 minutes. Also, you will cry while taking the survey.

1. Have you been to a university? If so, which one and how many times. Yes. Concordia. EVERY DAMN DAY SINCE MARCH.
2. Have you been at a mass event? If yes, which one and where and how many people were there and which direction was the wind blowing? Yes. The Tigers’ Game and not many people were there because my husband wanted to get closer and sit in seats that we did not pay for and I said no because that is dishonest AND HE SHOULD’VE GOTTEN COVID NOT ME.
3. Have you been to the grocery store? Yes.
4. Have you been to jail?

See, the thing is the survey is firing a bunch of questions and after a while I’ll just say, ‘YES! A THOUSAND TIMES YES! I DID ALL OF WHAT I’M NOT SUPPOSED TO DO sometimes I walk into Barnes and Noble for a coffee break and I don’t wear a mask because I like to smell the books and also once, in 1998, I didn’t hear the fire truck behind me because I was listening to Usher’s “You Make Me Wanna,” but I called the fire department and apologized ask my roommates they saw me look up the number in the Yellow Pages because you don’t call 911 for apologies PLEASE MAKE MY THROAT STOP HURTING AND MAKE ME NOT DUMB AGAIN.

During my time of isolation, I color-coded my closet and also organized my t-shirt collection based on solid and graphic tees.

Also I taught myself how to arm knit everyone I know will be getting a blanket for a present but probably it will be a scarf because one blanket takes 3,725 rolls of yarn and that is just too much math for me to do in my current very dumb state and also when I’m just normal.

I watched a lot of Madmen.

I read Salt to the Sea, Summer at Firefly Beach, and, Comfort Me With Apples, and started Gilded (last two are at the recommendation of The Lazy Genius, and Comfort Me with Apples is the scariest Adam and Eve story I’ve ever read).

I took a lot of walks through the Arb and one morning I was behind a group of about 205 three-year-olds who were on a great adventure and who realized that their voices sound incredible as they walked under a bridge that joined one of the University’s buildings, and so for five minutes the air was filled with the chubby, sparkly, brand new sounds of three-year-olds. All the students who were on their way to becoming very important people had to wait for these little people who were delighted in what it is like to simply be amazed at the sound of their voice in a dark tunnel. I mean, isn’t that something? You are so small, you are in the dark, and here you are, making a joyful noise because you can.

And so why not?