I want to say something about poetry and writing and motherhood. I want to write about the Poetry Slam I was able to be a part of where women from all over shared their poems about balloons and cakes, Eve, walking, giving birth, hair loss, child loss, the mountains, the city, water, fractured marriages, faith, doubt. They shared sonnets, free verse, sestinas. One played the harp. None of us came to any conclusions, or realizations. If anything, for about two hours, we simply stepped deeper into the mystery of this desire to write, and to write well.
I want to say something about that, but what I have are paw prints on the carpet, and I have a dog in my bathtub, shivering, and scared because she hates baths, and while I vacuum I worry about her because I don’t want her to think that she can’t go out and dig again. I don’t want her to think she’s done something wrong.
You know how, on a rainy Monday morning that somehow turns into the afternoon and you’re still in your PJs because you’ve finally gotten into a groove and it isn’t that the world disappears it is that it is in full view, in your face pulsating and you are a part of that pulse – all the broken parts – in fact you’ve realized it’s the broken parts that the world needs, not the parts you’ve put together and scrubbed, straightened, and sprayed still. You have realized that it’s the mess and the fragments and the questions that you’ll somehow need to figure out how to turn into offerings when you hear your daughter say, “Oh, Corby. Where have you been? What did you do?”
She was at every window in our house, staring outside. She doesn’t like the rain, doesn’t like water, but she loves to be outside, and so when there must’ve been a break in the storm, or she decided the rain was bearable, she stepped outside, and the Earth was warm, and the grass was green and the purple flowers in the trees above her popped and the dandelions did too, and so she dug a hole – her favorite thing, someone will break an ankle in our yard for all the holes we have – and she came inside after being out in the world, wide-eyed and alive and totally filthy.
I want to say that poetry comes from somewhere like this – from the digging and the filth and from being out in the world, wide-eyed. I want to say that it comes from doing what you say (or worse, what you’ve been told) you cannot do. It comes from broken plans, no plans, fear, jealousy, joy, love. I want to say that I probably have no business teaching a poetry course, but the night of the Poetry Slam was the night I felt like the teacher I was, like the teacher I could be again. I haven’t felt that way for a long time.
I am grateful to the women who show me there are an infinite ways to teach and they don’t have a thing to do with standards, “I can” statements, and what’s measurable is invisible – it is in the stories we offer and those we carry because they’ve been offered.
So I think I’ll stay here, digging up the world and all the mess it brings with being alive.
I am leading a Poetry Critique Group starting June 21. We’ll read a common text, discuss it, have Zoom workshops, and – of course – write poetry. Come join us!
Callie Feyen is one of those magical teachers whose influence stays with you long after her tutelage is over. When I landed in her poetry workshop, I was grappling with crippling self-doubt in my call as a writer, even after years of writing and editing professionally. Studying and writing poetry taught me to cultivate a sense of play when I face the blank page. With Callie’s guidance and encouragement, I learned to trust my writer’s voice again. I am deeply grateful for this course.” — Erin S.
“Callie has a gift for creating an environment that is encouraging, challenging, and inspiring. I felt safe to take creative risks and as a result, I was so happy with the work I was able to produce during this course. I came away feeling more inspired to write than I have in quite some time.” — Lindsey Cornett
“I’m so filled with joy and gratitude whenever I get feedback on my work, but the caliber of critique and thoughtful, insightful feedback from Callie Feyen are next level! I feel so challenged, inspired, motivated, and seen!” Annie Marhefka
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