“What if,” I said to Jesse – quietly, carefully, – “we didn’t make this part into a closet?” I took a step back, ready not so much for an argument, but for a series of questions that would unpack a well-thought out plan for what in the world this space could possibly be if not a closet.
“And do what with it?” Jesse asked.
“What if,” I said again carefully and quietly, “we turned it into a reading nook?” (And by “we” I mean, “you,” my darling husband.)
And so here is my reading nook, with the entire text of Romeo and Juliet, a gift Jesse gave me on the day The Teacher Diaries published, above the chair. Last week, I was on the phone with my Career Coach, and I told her how uncomfortable I’ve been lately regarding this writing career I’m cobbling together. She said, “Callie, I think you’re going to have to be uncomfortable and see what happens. Show yourself fully.” I can’t say that I liked that too much. Showing my uncomfortable self fully? No thanks. But when she said it, I looked over at Miss Capulet, and Mr. Montague, and I remembered the morning I came up with something to say about their story. The entire memory is an uncomfortable one. I was sad, and scared, unemployed, and in a new town I knew nothing about. I was curious, though, and it was enough. I picked up a pen and wrote, the entire time not believing it would turn into anything, but loving the work all the same. When I sent it off, and heard back from my editor, she sent me back my favorite statement of hers since I’ve been working with her: Callie’s back.
Maybe showing my uncomfortable self is the only way to find the stories I need to write. Maybe showing up for my uncomfortable self is what it takes to do the work. Looking around this lovely new room Jesse built for me, I realized that I’ve designed it to remember to do just that.
I have a couple of bulletin boards for taking notes on the books I’m trying to write.
I have a couple of reminders to myself about listening and storytelling.
And then there’s my desk. I tried it out in different places in the room, but here I can see a slice of my neighborhood.
This is all to say I am very comfortable being uncomfortable here. I’m grateful to Jesse who patiently listens to and supports me as I meander and claw my way toward this Lonely Mountain of a vocation. I promise to keep facing the dragon.
//
Books Published: The Teacher Diaries, Twirl: My Life With Stories, Writing, and Clothes
Courses I’m Teaching: From Inspiration to Habit– begins February 15.
Leave a Reply