Jesse and I are in line at IKEA waiting to pay for two chairs and some plaid pillows, a few extra dishes to replace the ones that’ve chipped, and I am reading Henry VI Part 2 out loud to him.
“OK, so there are three guys in this scene: Saye, Cade, and Dick.” I pause, and look around to see if anyone else heard me. I’m sorry, but Dick? Really, Shakespeare? You couldn’t think of a better name, BARD?
“So Cade is about to behead Saye because, get this, SAYE SET UP A SCHOOL.”
Jesse pushes our carts – we have two – further up the line and I read to him: “Thou hast most traitorously corrupted the youth of the realm in erecting a grammar school.”
I slap the book on my thigh. “Can you believe that? A GRAMMAR school. That’s K-5, Jesse. This guys’ about to get his head chopped off for making a school. For children.”
“Well, was it public or private?” Jesse asks, to which I roll my eyes.
“OK so that’s not all. Saye is also in trouble for building a paper mill so that people can read and write.”
“What a jerk,” Jesse says, picking up a bag of gummy candy shaped like fruit.
“Cade tells Saye that now that people can read and write they’re using nouns and verbs and,” I lift the book and read, “such abominable words as no Christian can endure to hear.”
I pull the cap off my pen and underline Cade’s words. “So basically,” I say putting the cap back on my pen (I can’t use a pen if it doesn’t have a cap), “Saye gave people language and he’s gonna die for it.”
“I think I’m gonna get these candies,” Jesse says, reading the ingredients on the bag. He always does that. Personally, I think that’s a buzzkill. You may as well go to McDonald’s and get a salad.
I look at Cade’s lines again. “At least, I think that’s what is going on.” Seems pretty nuts to off a guy for setting up a school and giving people paper.
Jesse tosses the bag of candy on the conveyor belt. “This needs to be re-written,” he says.
“The play?”
“No,” he says pointing to the bag. “The candy bag. If I were writing it, I’d write, ‘Sour jellies with rhubarb, lemon, and lime.’ Not or. Because Callie, all three flavors are in there.”
I say nothing. I’m talking to him about Shakespeare, and he’s analyzing a candy bag’s literary worth.
“Be careful,” I say. “You could get your head cut off for talking like that.”
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