I haven’t been sleeping well and we have an abundance of pears that are about two days away from turning to jam. The pears aren’t what’s keeping me up at night, but they did pop up in my string of thoughts somewhere between 3-5:30 in the morning, and it was the pears I decided with a groggy conviction that I would put to use. They will be thrown into the compost bin if I don’t do something, I thought as I flipped from my right side to my left. I must save the pears, I resolved swaddling myself with the blanket as if it were Saran Wrap.
A surprisingly quick search on Pinterest brought me to Gingerbread Pear Muffins. You need one large pear for the recipe. We have ten smallish pears. I used two.
I will save two pears, I vowed with revised and yet renewed energy as I sliced them into chunks with a butter knife because that’s how soft they were.
Ginger, cinnamon, allspice, and molasses all get mixed in with the flour and the brown sugar and all of it gets baked for fifteen minutes.
I’d planned on baking, I’ll have you know. This wasn’t a middle of the night decision. I’d written it down the night before. “Bake something,” is what I wrote in black ink on my planner. I even set a time to do this: 11-12.
I’m working with a Career Coach because I’m tired of wondering what I’m going to be when I grow up. “I need you to give me a schedule,” I said, because having a schedule will solve all the problems all the time. Having a schedule answers all the questions.
“When will you take breaks?” she asked.
“Can I take breaks?” I’m thinking now I should’ve told her about the pears, though at the time she and I spoke they weren’t going to waste. Had I known, I could’ve use them to explain how afraid I am to take a break, how afraid I am of wasting time, wasting space, wasting talent.
“You’re your own boss now,” was her answer to my question. No one’s ever said that to me. I have never been a boss. I don’t know what it’s like to work for myself, to make decisions for myself, to decide what I get to do with my day. Can I make Gingerbread Pear Muffins on a weekday? Is that really a good use of my time?
I do not know, but they smelled delicious as they baked, and they came out of the oven at just the time that everyone in the house wanted a snack, and it felt good to send them back to their virtual worlds with something warm and handmade and delicious.
Plus, I saved two pears.
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