Currently

{trying} to read aloud to the 8th graders this quarter.  I thought I’d start with Gary Schmidt’s latest book, Orbiting Jupiter because I think there are some similarities between it and Romeo and Juliet, which we are studying. I made this worksheet (above) for the students to fill out as I read because I thought giving them an exercise that is a bit free form but is still something to focus on would help.  Well, the first day was a disaster because in the first few pages the main character, Joseph, learns to milk a cow and apparently that is the equivalent to reading porn.  So I drove home thinking my read aloud was a terrible idea and why do I try so hard with this group when they make me so sad and miserable and why do I care anyway? I’m beginning to fantasize about doing desk jobs, or working in scrapbook stores. Certainly The Paper Source is a better fit for me, don’t you think?

The night before I teach this class I dream of grizzly bears.  It’s the same dream every time: I am begging Jesse to let us have grizzly bears as pets.  “Please!” I beg him, “I know I can tame them if I work hard enough.  I know I can bring the best out in them and teach them to be caring, loving creatures.”  He says, “OK,” and we let the bears in our home.  One night, I can hear them in our kitchen growling, and I wake Jesse up. “Jesse! Jesse!” I say. “The bears are IN OUR KITCHEN!”  He says, “I know. You need to feed them.” Then I wake up, breathless and terrified and remember what it is I have to face in a few hours.

Surely there is something wrong with my teaching; there is something wrong with me. I can’t figure out what it is, and I’ve never worked so hard in my life but it seems to get me nowhere. I can’t figure out a way to feed these bears and sure it’s a metaphor but each afternoon I drive home feeling as though I’ve been in a wrestling match for my life.

Anyway, I’ll try again because I have to.  Today, they will meet Sampson and Gregory, and if they thought the milking cow scene in Schmidt’s book was uncomfortable, I can’t imagine how they’ll react to this scene, and we haven’t even met Mercutio yet.

Then again, I’m reminded of Rowell’s Eleanor and Park and I think how crass that first scene is (I think the whole book parallels Romeo and Juliet). In fact, I almost put the book down after the first few pages because of all the swearing and the topic of what the kids were talking about.  Those teenagers though, turn out to be beautiful and afraid and important and they do some lovely things throughout the story. So sure, maybe Romeo is a jerk. Maybe Mercutio is, too.  Maybe Juliet is a tad melodramatic. But that’s not all they are, right? Calling teenagers what they are now and leaving them that way doesn’t seem right.

I suppose I am working with what is invisible, and I have to be OK with having faith that someday it’ll come out.  Right now, I’m having a hard time hoping for things unseen.

{participating in} Ann Kroeker’s Play Project.  I love Ann’s website.  It is filled with encouraging, inspiring, and friendly writing tips. Reading her feels like taking deep breaths, which I don’t think I do enough of.  I’m not a big stop and take deep breaths kind of girl. I’m more of a put your head down and get your work done and nobody talk to me kind of girl. Which is why I am participating in this project.  For the month of January, Ann is encouraging writers to incorporate play into their days. This was a great excuse for me to make a list of all the projects I’ve been meaning to start but never do because my work isn’t done.

{listening to} Miles Davis’ “Kind of Blue” and Herbie Hancock’s “Best of Herbie Hancock” again. I was complaining to Jesse the other day that since we don’t listen to CDs anymore, I can’t ever hear full albums like we used to. Pandora always plays a mix when you click on a station (which I like, but sometimes a girl needs to listen to an entire album). Jesse introduced me to Rhapsody, and now I’m happy again.

{reading} Middlemarch. That is part of my New Year’s resolution. It’ll take me all year.

{hoping for} snow.  A few days ago, Harper ran outside, spread her arms out wide, and yelled at the top of her lungs, “C’MON WINTER! SHOW YOURSELF!”  Those are my thoughts exactly.

{an essay last month} “Angels in Ands and Buts” was up on Makes You Mom Christmas Eve.  It’s a reflection on the Christmas Pageant I was in charge of but felt I could’ve done a better job on.  I wonder about using gifts, a little bit about my failure as a homemaker, and finding a slice of redemption in my classroom.

Thanks, as always, for reading and for subscribing.  Happy 2016 to you!