Choose Your Words

When Hadley wants to add a dash of funny into an anecdote, or say, a weeknight dinner she finds dull, her go to tactic is to use the word, “fart.” The word works in almost any situation that (she thinks) needs livening up.

For example, do you have extra shredded cheese on your dinner plate? Then do this:

You will be sure to create a ruckus.

The thing is, I get bored with this word. I’m all for a good body humor joke but this word is so easy to insert that after a while I find it monotonous.

“That’s lazy story telling, Hadley,” I say on my literary high horse.

“Only use that word every third day because it loses its humor,” I suggest.

“Not to me,” Hadley mumbles.

Harper agrees. “Mommy, ‘fart’ is always funny.”

But one afternoon, after what I believe was the 5,000 time of hearing this word, I decided to give Hadley the equivalent of a Coach Taylor talk.

“Hadley,” I say, pacing around the living room while she sat on the couch, moving her head out of my way so she could see Minecraft on the TV.

“Hadley,” I say again, shutting off the video game. “No more using fart.”

I sat down on the coffee table, my knees touching hers. “You’re a better kid than that. You’re so smart. So creative. You can do better than this word.”

I sounded like I was reading a script from an ABC After-School Special except instead of saying, “Don’t do drugs,” I was saying, “Hadley don’t use the word fart.”

“OK, Mama,” Hadley says.

I ruffle her hair and walk away.

Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose y’all. My job here is done.

At dinner that night, Hadley made this:

She was so proud of herself, and laughing so hard she could barely breathe.

“This is great, Hadley!” I say. “Is this somebody on a skateboard?”

“Hahahaha! NO!” Hadley’s standing next to me laughing so hard she bends over and holds onto her knees.

“What is it?”

She looks me in the eyes, and hers are glistening from the giggles, and I cannot wait to get in on my blue eyed beauty’s joke.

“It’s a guy who’s give off his digestive gases,” Hadley says then collapses on the floor in a heap of laughter.

Hadley – 2, 461 Mama – 0

Full hearts, indeed.