More Prayer Journal Entries

Every time I read To Kill a Mockingbird I’m startled by something I didn’t notice the last time I read it. The first time I read the book I couldn’t believe Mrs. Dubose’s story was minimized to just a few seconds on film (“Don’t you say ‘hey’ to me you ugly girl!”).  Yes, I am one of those people who watched the film first and God bless the day I was sick and my mom brought the movie home for me to watch. I’ve been marked ever since.

Another time it was Mayella’s red geraniums growing in slop jars in the Ewell front yard.  What’s beauty doing in the Ewell yard? And what do I do with this beauty now that I’ve acknowledged it? (I created a treacherous assignment for my students having to do with them pointing out beauty in unexpected, even awful places.  It was a real pick-me-up for them.)

A few weeks ago, I noticed this quotation and thought, “Of course! Isn’t that what we start to do at thirteen and fourteen?”

“Atticus said that Jem was trying hard to forget something, but what he was really doing was storing it away for awhile, until enough time passed. Then he would be able to think about it and sort things out. When he was able to think about it, Jem would be himself again.”

So I made this prayer for my students:

Ten years ago was the last time I taught To Kill a Mockingbird and I had the students write essays on a character in the book. I chose to write about Aunt Alexandria because she drove me crazy, so when I picked up the book this time around every time I saw her name I cringed a little. That must be a warning sign that I am about to be startled by something- when I’m on high alert- and sure enough I read something about her that made me see she wasn’t all that bad.  It was her reaction to Tom Robinson’s death that I missed ten years ago, and then one of the last scenes, where Scout makes it home after being assaulted by Bob Ewell and Aunt Alexandria hands Scout her overalls instead of a frilly dress.

“She left it at that. She brought me something to put on, and had I thought about it then, I would have never let her forget it: in her distraction, Aunty brought me my overalls. ‘Put these on, darling,’ she said, handing me the garments she most despised.'”

That’s nice, isn’t it? I mean, it’s nice what Alexandria did, but it’s nice that Scout noticed it. It makes me think about the people who confuse, anger, annoy, and I guess baffle me. There’s more to them then that, and probably, it’s up to me to stick around and find out what that is.  Good gracious, I need prayer to do that because God knows I don’t have an ounce of patience for that type of work.  So I wrote one for me and for my students.

I worry I’m not showing my students enough about this book. It seems though, that one can only grapple with a story this wonderful and haunting in bits and pieces; picking up a new thing and turning it over to see what’s there.

It’s probably a lot like trying to figure out grace.  I suspect I’ll never figure that out which is probably why I’m constantly startled by it.