Four years ago, I felt bad that we lived so close but didn’t make it to the Inauguration.
But Harper wasn’t three months old, and was fighting a cold. Or maybe it was that she wasn’t sleeping. It could’ve been that I was anxious about taking an infant and toddler through crowds and the cold.
Whatever the reason, what I remember is that I wanted to do something but felt overwhelmed about doing it with kids.
Four years ago, while we were watching the Inauguration on TV, I was paging through The Writer’s Center courses and found a class I wanted to take that had to do with writing about motherhood. The class was held on a weekday morning, which meant I would have to find a babysitter. I didn’t think that I could or should find someone to take care of my kids so that I could try and write. I had this idea that now that I was a mother my time for figuring out what I wanted to be when I grew up was over. Jesse told me to sign up for the class. He said we’d find a babysitter. And when we did, and I left the house to go write, I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown. I called Jesse at least seventeen times that morning asking him (ok, telling him) to call our babysitter to make sure all was well.
I still get pretty nervous every time I go to write. I worry I can’t. I worry I shouldn’t. But it still seems to follow me around wherever I go. And I might not always get it right. Most of the time I think I’m writing about one thing and it turns out to be about something else.
I think that might be what’s fun about writing, and probably motherhood, too. I think there’s something interesting about that clown fish, but the girls see the starfish clinging to the glass and my goodness what a dazzling starfish it is. How did I miss it?
I suppose the point is that it all just doesn’t happen at once. There are special things you miss because other special things are happening. There are special things that are brewing and you are taking baby steps to steep them for when they’re ready.
So I say don’t beat yourself up because you think you aren’t experiencing the big things. I think you probably are. I think the big things are happening all over the place.
I’m sure you’ll see them after awhile.
* a definition for “inauguration.”
Oh, Callie. How did you know I (and more than likely many others!) needed to read this? So many things to do and be, and yet, despite feeling overwhelmed by it…writing follows me around, too!
I also resonate with: “I suppose the point is that it all just doesn’t happen at once. There are special things you miss because other special things are happening. There are special things that are brewing and you are taking baby steps to steep them for when they’re ready.”
Yes indeed. I need to take a closer look at those brilliant starfish.
P.S Also love that pic of you with the book, and the inauguration crowd in the background. 🙂
Thank you, Kelly. I’m glad it resonated and wasn’t just naval gazing. I hope you are finding time to look at the starfish as well as the stuff surrounding it, too. I’m sure you are even if you don’t think you are.
Isn’t that a funny picture? The group of people in my MFA group are taking pictures of ourselves reading the common reading text for March because it is a GIGANTIC book. (It’s a good one though, I was nervous about diving in, but I like it.)
I’ve had that experience of thinking I’m writing about one thing and it turns out to be something else. I like how you compare it to the way that children open our eyes to see some of the wonder that is truly right in front of us.
I also think you’re right about big things happening all over the place. Sometimes it takes a while to see them. Sometimes, I imagine, we won’t see how big they are this side of eternity.
Anita, I’m finding that there is always something else going on in with life, writing, motherhood, etc. The challenge seems to be confident that if I focus on just one thing at a time, I won’t miss out on the rest of it. That’s difficult for me.
Callie, I so needed to read this post today. It has been one of THOSE days. Thank you. I am glad you all had fun too. Wish I hadn’t chickened out. I guess in another four years I will have another chance. LOL!
I’m glad you liked the post, Erin. Thanks for the comment! And you are right, there will be another one in four years. Besides, I’m sure whatever the day held for you last week had some special sparks in it. 🙂
Feyens = one cool family. Hadley looks right at home with that subway map. She probably already has a few suggestions for the city on how to improve transportation.
Hadley LOVED the map! She updated us on each stop – all 5,456 of them – the whole way there.
Those are pretty big flags your kids have! Ours were small by comparison. 🙁
I’m surprised we didn’t run into each other. After all, there were only about 700,000 people on the National Mall that day!
It’s so great you went, and gave your children something they may very well remember their entire lives.
Maybe they gave us the bigger flags to the folks that were farther away. They felt bad for us. 🙂
Actually, no free flags for our section. We had to bring our own!
i love this post. and i really love this line: I think there’s something interesting about that clown fish, but the girls see the starfish clinging to the glass and my goodness what a dazzling starfish it is. How did I miss it?
Even though it’s kind of a run-on? 🙂
especially for the sentence structure… because i can hear that sentence in your voice as i read it.
Thank you. Very much. 🙂